Memoir of a Prince
by Luna of the Night Eclipse
Summary: *ONESHOT* Vegeta's inner thoughts and feelings towards his fellow Saiyan rival. Warning: slight yaoi content and language. Rated T to be safe.


Kakarrot.

The very name that I used to spit out of my lips like it was acid. The very name of the Saiyan that has haunted my very being since our first battle. He was supposed to be no match for me, him being a lower class clown and me being an elite soldier, the most powerful in the upper class. The Prince of Saiyans.

Am I even a Prince anymore? My home and its people have long since been destroyed; destroyed by that lizard tyrant Freeza. He blew up my planet, a planet that bred natural born fighters, like it was nothing more than a ant hill that got too big for its own good. And it was supposed to be MY destiny to kill him. MY revenge for the Saiyan race, so I could take my place as the greatest and most powerful being in the universe. But then he came along….a son of a third class soldier that was shipped to a planet of weaklings because it was the only job worthy of one of his status. But he went above and beyond that status. He used whatever inner essence that guided him through every obstacle, every challenge and became stronger. Stronger than Freeza, stronger than Cell, stronger than Majin Buu…..stronger than me.

I used to hate him for it. I hated that he stole my destiny, stole what was supposed to be mine. He stole my pride, and he saved me when I couldn't keep up with his strength against opponents that I underestimated. Saved me like a defenseless child. Oh how that angered me inside. What angered me even more was the fact that I could never truly hate him. No there was something I felt; a sort of respect for his power. A power that I always chased after, training mercilessly until I caught up to it, eventually becoming a Super Saiyan, but every time I thought I caught up to him, he always got even farther than me. It was like trying to win a race that could never be won. A pointless cycle that lit the fury inside me higher and higher until I couldn't take it anymore. I let Babidi take over me so I could become powerful and ruthless, just as I had always planned for myself. But even as we battled, the ground cracking under our Saiyan fury, he still held back from his then unknown ascension to Super Saiyan 3. He didn't want to show off or was just trying to get me to burn out my anger. How insulting to my pride that was, making me feel more like a child than he already has.

But he convinced me. He convinced me hate wasn't the answer, that emotions weren't such a bad thing to have. I had been running away from them for so long so I wouldn't feel pain from them. But Kakarrott awakened them, and helped me become a "good guy" as he once put it. I suppose I should thank him for that. Because if he hadn't, I would have never realized the one thing in the back of my mind that has puzzled me for years, nor would I have truly understood why the sight of him set me off in the worst ways.

I love him.

I have loved him since the first time I met him. While it infuriated me that he surpassed me in power and strength, it also thrilled me; he gave me goals and the determination to push myself farther than what I thought was possible. He is so different than anyone I have ever met before in all my years. Kakarrot is truly unique, the only one of his kind. He is powerful, almost like a god in his might, yet he is so gentle and peaceful with others, it is almost as if he couldn't possibly hurt another being, let alone save the universe countless times. His ethics for mercy and protection of the innocent puzzled me; he made me curious, always pondering what went on in that head of his. It drove me crazy…it still drives me crazy sometimes. But I am beginning to understand him more, ever since he defeated Majin Buu years ago. His loved ones inspired his quest for strength; his emotions triggering his immense power whenever it was needed.

When he died against Cell in an effort to save Earth from exploding from his power, I felt a dark emptiness in my soul. How could that idiot do that? How could he have just left just like that, before I could get a chance to surpass him? Before I even had a chance to see how important he was to me? Goddammit didn't he know there were people who cared whether he lived or died? At that moment, in the calm after the storm when his son defeated the android, I floated above the battle ground a broken man. The land seemed so quiet compared to the hell that went on there, and all that hell transferred into my mind and my heart. I had no purpose anymore, and fighting wouldn't have been the same without him. And when I found out he was coming back to Earth to fight in the Tournament seven years later, I was thrilled inside. I could show him that I have become more powerful than before. I was also thrilled to see him again; to see his kind eyes that shined, and his clownish smile that nudged my supposedly cold heart.

And when I watched him fight Kid Buu, I felt like I was watching a work of art. How he masterfully countered his attacks, and got up after every punch and kick he threw at him. Kakarrot was graceful in his movements, his speed and strength amazing; the point of greatness in the Saiyan race.

We are the last of our kind, and it was always assumed since I killed Nappa that I was going to be the more powerful of the two of us. But he proved me wrong. Dead wrong. Even though he was inferior to me he still managed to find the strength to win and save his planet. And even after everything I had done to try to kill him, his loved ones, and the Earth, he still let me live. It boggled me then, but now I see. He, though he never really embraced our heritage, wanted to spare what was left of his extinct race. To show the same compassion that was shown to him while he grew up. He showed mercy to all his foes, a kindness I never would have thought to give to my enemies. But that is just another thing about Kakarrot that makes him so interesting to me.

I envy his wife, that harpy of a woman. She always tries to change him into some weakling lapdog she can control, a human. She should appreciate her luck of having probably the most powerful warrior as her mate, one that is kind enough to put up with her screeching. Why and how he puts up with that woman I will never comprehend. The only thing that woman was useful for was giving Kakarrot two powerful black haired children, though they were half-breeds. Though I don't have much room to talk, having two hybrid children of my own. I don't regret their existence; they are proof of me changing into a less cold and cruel man, and they will make sure my legacy lives on into the future.

I often wonder what our future would be like if we ever mated each other. We live longer than humans and retain our youth so it would feel like time stood still for us. A time that felt like eternity in bliss I believe it would be like, us sparring together, getting stronger, and just the warm embrace of his taller frame against my regrettably smaller one. How I long to know how that would feel like. But it will probably never be; Kakarrot has his family whom he loves, and I have my children and Bulma to think about. Another thought that repeatedly encircles my train of thought is something whose answer I actually fear to know.

"_Do you share my feelings Kakarrot? Do you love me as I love you?"_

I don't think I could ever bring myself to actually ask him that. I have too much pride to admit my feelings towards him; not because of fear of what people think of me, but actually showing a vulnerable and in my opinion weak expression of feeling. I also fear his response if I ever did ask him that.

Would he say no? I would be humiliated and deep down in my heart a little broken if he answered that. It would be almost too much to bear having such…strong feelings towards the fellow Saiyan only for it to be one sided.

But...what if he said yes?..

Even I do not know how I would react. My guess would be happiness, or however close to true happiness as I could feel. But even if he did say yes, could we ever truly be together? He has too much honor to betray his wife, and our children would probably never understand.

Hmph. Why do I even bother imagining something that would never happen? It is not really in our nature anyway. We are warriors of an ancient race, not lovers. Even if we do happen to share the same feelings, it is not in our blood to learn to be passionate to each other, no matter much we would try.

Oh well, one can only dream I suppose.

Deep down I believe Kakarrot does know I have feelings for him. He may not be the most intelligent person around, but he knows things, _feels _things with his heart and gut. And maybe, just maybe, he cares for me as well. How much compared to each other is unknown; one could only guess. The likelihood we will ever be together is unlikely. But if there is one thing I have learned in all the years I have known Kakarrot, it is nothing is impossible.

So I will wait for the time where it truly matters. Whether we avoid our feelings, or confront them and see what lies ahead, is a matter of chance and choice. But I will train hard so I can catch up to him, until we have broken all the limits possible and our powers would be at last equal. And the last full blooded Saiyans will stand alone in the universe, untouched by time and people, and in the midst of our pinnacle of strength, we will determine what it means to be at peace with our feelings and our souls.

"_I love you, Kakarott."_


End file.
